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Interview with Dr.
David Stevens,
author of Marriage:
The Rules Of The Game
SP: Dr.
Stevens, welcome to Soul Pen. It is indeed a privilege
to host this discussion with you.
Dr. Stevens: Thank
you, Mata. I have looked forward to this pleasure for a long time.
Thank you so much for sharing your valuable time with me.
SP: As I
completed the final page of your new release, Marriage: The Rules Of The Game, I
immediately said, "This book should be required reading for every
married couple and even more so for those couples thinking about
getting married." Dr. Stevens, please tell readers, specifically those
involved in counseling, why this book would be an asset to their
counseling ministry?
Dr. Stevens: Well,
I've tried to take biblical principles, I've called them "the rules",
and simplify them showing that consequences follow decisions. Many poor
decisions cause a rippling effect that pushes a downward spiral of bad
things to come. It's like that one domino that falls and starts a chain
reaction. If you learn about the tools supporting marriage, and how to
use them effectively, many negative things can be reversed, or at its
worst made better!
SP: One of
my favorite chapters is "Who's In Charge". Inside this section you
teach in essence that neither the man nor the woman is the boss in the
marriage relationship. Would you briefly share what you mean by this?
Dr. Stevens: There
is no one appointed by God ("The Marriage Maker") to be the boss of the
relationship. A boss, usually an owner, has the power to hire and fire.
In marriage, no one has that kind of position. We must work together as
spouses in decision-making. However our job description differs. The
man, scripturally is designated as the head. Headship carries with it
the responsiblity to cover the wife and family. Headship also places
the man under a system of accountability to God. Recently in a
pre-marriage counseling session in response to a "Who is the boss"
question, I managed to have some fun. The couple was all smiles as I
reviewed their written answers to this question. They both had laid out
a beautiful case for decisions being a team effort. "That's really
beautiful," I said, but what happens when (the man) says "yes" and she says "no"? Still
smililng, they were ready for me, they thought. "Oh we would come
together, discuss, and come to a compromise." The smiles faded when I
said, "Okay, you meet and discuss, great." But afterwards, you
(addressing the woman), say, "Yes" this time, and he says, "No."
"Then what?" They now looked so crestfallen! I had challenged their
very perfect world. Listen, there are going to come those times,
perhaps rare, when someone has to make the final decision. Sorry
ladies, but your husband is your head. Sorry husbands, that still does
not make you boss. You are answerable to God for that decision. In the
book, we teach you how to make an affective appeal.
SP: How many
years have you been married and what are a couple of the principles you
and your wife adhere to in keeping a healthy, harmonious relatioship?
Dr. Stevens: We
are just a couple of months short of 43 wonderful years. We work hard
at working together.
*We never
allow our differences to disintegrate into an argument. We agree to
disagree without being disagreeable.
*We never
raise our voices, or call names. If an issue is too hot to settle we
agree to give it an appropriate amount of space and come back to
it.
*We never
make a major decision without consulting each other.
*I try to
thank her for each prepared meal, and she thanks me for restaurant
meals.
SP: Your
current book, like your first book, Marriage:
The Corridors, Castles, and Conflicts, demonstrates that you see
a need for teaching Godly relationship principles. As a counselor, what
is one of the foremost problems couples approach you with today as
opposed to fifteen years ago?
Dr. Stevens: Time
management, housework and parenting responsibilites, lack of commitment
to remaining married, are some of the top problems today. Years ago,
many of the issues were accepted as the way it was. Today many people
just are not promising to endure forever. Hopefully the book will help
in this area.
SP: What
would you tell a couple who are in a troubled marriage and feels like
there is no hope for restoration?
Dr. Stevens: Find
a good Christian marriage counselor who is willing to hang in there
with you, speaking into your lives what God says! Dr. Ed Wheat believes
that if he can encourage at least one of them to hold on, pray, and
exercise agape love, there is hope. See chapter 5 "The Cleaving Factor".
SP: Dr. Stevens, thank you for sharing your time with us today.
Please tell readers how they can find out more about your ministry and
books.
Dr. Stevens: Again
Mata, thank you so much for this opportunity. You can check out our
website: www.Secondwindmarriageministry.com.
My secretary, Ms. Adams,
will take phone orders during regular business hours at (215) LIV-RITE
(548-7483). There is also a special price for purchasing books.
SP:
It has been a pleasure talking with you and learning from
you. I'm sure readers join me in wishing you the best as you continue
to offer words of help, hope, and healing to couples.
Dr. Stevens: My
prayer is that your readers will help me push this book to bestseller
status.There is a lot of information that can help a lot of people, and
you can help!
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